How to deal with Purple dot- Talkative people

Yes, communicating with them makes me crazy because they care about what while I care about why. I feel my needs is are heard and understood. These things make me overthink about the past stories, that is an unhealthy habit. I am aware of that and learning how to overcome it. I know it will take time for me to build up a new habit. However, everything is brighter when you know where you should begin to self-help.

From http://dotscommunication.com/purple-dot/

Want To Impress?

Build them up. Tell them what a fine job they are doing or have done. Praise them for their contribution. Write them a thank you letter.

Getting Along With The Purple Dot

  • They are dreamers. They are great starters but poor finishers. They talk a lot (even to them-selves).
  • If you need to have a challenging conversation – questions are more effective than to “lecture”.
  • Let them know that they are a valuable member of the team when working well.
  • Be prepared to listen and offer regular praise.

Most importantly – The most important thing to this type is being creative, seeing possibilities, and always having new challenges. They are excellent starters but poor finishers.

OK, THERE IS A WAY…..

  1. Listen, praise 
  2. Question

 

 

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Gut feeling and intuition

Dear John,

Day by day. I am more connected to my inner strength. I no longer ignore my gut feeling and intuition. I can’t explain it, but it works for  me up to now. Whenever I don’t listen to my inner voice, something wrong will happen.

Now, two things I should focus daily: Being and Awareness.

 

Be bold, be blessed

Dear John,

This post today is about three women working in a building where I am studying. Two of them are cleaners and one is my colleague. Each person has been teaching me some value lessons. Honestly, I didn’t have good impression towards them. But after several months knowing together, I found many things I should learn from them.

  1. A bold lipstick cleaner. I call her by that name because she usually wears bold makeup with black eyeliner and red lipstick. The first time  I saw her cleaning a toilet in the ground floor, I thought “Does it worth to make up your face like that as you are  a cleaner? Now I know I am so rude to judge her like that. Whatever you do, you have a right to make yourself beautiful as a woman. No one loves you and understands you more clearly than you. So just be bold like you are.
  2. A quite cleaner. She is Indian. She works in quite and seldom talks like the bold lipstick cleaner. I can feel the calm in her face and smile. She is in charge of cleaning the second and third floor and my study room is in a second floor. She is always willing to clean up that room whenever I ask her. Yesterday, I saw her sitting quietly on the staircases while I was going to the restroom. I felt strange and asked in my mind whether something bad had happened to her or maybe she was so tired after cleaning and just sat down for a rest. I was about to ask her whether she was ok, but I thought she couldn’t speak English, I  just passed by and gave a greeting smile. When I came back from the restroom with another way so I could see her from the back , she still sat there with her thumbs on her middle fingers. Now I know she was meditating or maybe praying as Indian tradition. Now I understand why her face is so calm most of the time. There is always a reason behind people’s behaviour. So don’t judge or criticise anyone if you don’t know much about them
  3. My cold colleague. I only say one thing. Work quietly and let you results speak for you.

Have a nice day John.

What I have learnt last three days (20-22 May)

Dear John,

Last three days I was sick with a terrible cold, headache, body pain. While lying down in my bed, I had more time to listen to my body and surrounds. I could feel the pain of blood which got stuck in my brain nerve. I could feel my legs getting cold and hurt somewhere. I could feel the beauty of human body even in the state of pain. When I get bored to listen to my body, I listened to bird song in my hostel’s garden. That sound was so sweet also. I just think that whatever happen to me, just look at positive side of them and then you can move on quickly. That is the yesterday’s lesson

My target now is learning every day from everyone I meet, everything I read and hear.

  • Now, I know about a new product which is called handy scanner. It is helpful to scan book or document. I think whether I should buy it or not (From a short talk in Resource Room with Ph.D. student) (Friday’s lesson)
  • Don’t talk everything you know, when people talk more; you have a good chance to understand them. (Look like a book’s title “Mẹ không biết, con nghĩ đi) (Sunday’s lesson)
  • Don’t reply someone’s needs immediately. Let them wait a little bit to see what is their motivation. (Saturday’s experience)
  • Don’t take a bath too long after swimming; you will get cold later on

I hope to learn more new lessons in this week John

Another way of thinking

Dear John,

Last night, while crocheting a purse for my friend, I listened to Ajahn Brahm’s talk  which is about expanding your view. He gave me good food to think about life in a different way. I think it is true. Our behaviours usually follow our culture , our group where we live or work together. We do something because of our family’s tradition, we do because of our organisation’s culture, we do because it used to be like that in this place. I think following tradition is a good way to preserve our unique culture, but somehow it prevents us to think the world in different views. We judge a new situation with an old view. It is unreasonable, especially in this 21st century when the life changes with a fast pace.

What should we do?

I know it is very tough to live happily and healthy in this modern life. People are working hard to be a leader, an inventor, a talented person, a richer. You try hard to prove that you are the best. Even if you don’t have talent or money, you should have a good appearance by cosmetic surgery . If you don’t have all these things, you will be good at judging people in social media. That can explain the increasing number of people struggling with cancer, depression, suicide, and many mental problems in these days.

So how can I change my life? I don’t want to turn my life to be a competition because this life is so short to compare to others. I want to be myself.

  1. Think different: People think death is sad, I think it is a good thing in life. Death is a start of new life. People think more money is happier. Money can make your life comfortable, live minimalist. People love titles, beautiful faces. Just be who your are and look for a beautiful soul.
  2. Live slow: Life is short, life is this moment.
  3. Care for experience, not material.
  4. Your life, not others’ life
  5. Learn new things everyday with everyone you meet

Have a nice day John

 

 

 

The world

Dear John,

During several talks to local people here and my reading somewhere, I found that the academic life is stressful as the same everywhere. In some countries, you can get high salary but the requirement to stay is taking all your sweat, in other countries with low salary, that means your life is easier to breathe with fewer requirements. Those who can survive in this high-pressure life are eager to learn new things, to change and to move on. This modern world forces you to live faster, to be more greedy, but after 8 hours of working day or between the fast pace of a busy day, it is better to find a moment to slow down and enjoy the life.

I love the post “How can we find the time?” of WP – Tenure, She wrote. As a female academician, you also have a burden responsibility as a role of a mother and a wife. You need a good skill to manage your time to survive in this tough career. Whenever you are, wherever you live, you will survive with opened mind and positive attitude.

Good luck John.

Don’t try too hard

Dear John,

This morning I think about three stories that remind not to try too hard. Because overworking makes me stress and you can’t have productivity with a stressful mind. I admit that.

Lesson 1: Last year, I worked very hard to finish at least two papers to extend my fellowship. As a result, my eyes got hurt. The first time I checked up in my school clinic, the doctor said to me shortly before giving me some pain-killer. “Don’t study too hard, take a short break after every hour.”

Lesson 2: We hold a workshop for grad students. The cafeteria suddenly couldn’t set up the tea- break buffet; all foods and drink were put in containers and bags, there were no tissues. I suggested buying some tissue in the convenience shop opposite my school. But I had to walk quite far. I insisted on going while my friend told me to make a cute face to respond students’ complaint. Now, I learnt that having tissues or not at that time was not a big problem because students still enjoyed the food. The tea break is just a small part of the workshop; students came to learn something, not to eat.

Lesson 3:  I met my supervisor two days ago. My writing is not coherence enough. I told him I have tried that why it took me too long to finish my draft. He reminded me not try too hard because I have time to revise it later. Now, just let finish my proposal and I have a long way to improving it. This is not a right time to have a perfect writing, let save my energy to do it when I  submit the final copy.

 

Going through the storm

Dear John,

After talking on phone several hours to figure our what our problems were, we understood our mistakes, our demands from each other and we love more. That is the way we have gone through many arguments for several years. That is the way our relationship has lasted longer than I thought. Now I understand: those want to be with you, they will find the time with no excuses.

I am getting more mature in this relationship time by time. It is a good place for me to learn and change myself. I am thankful to have this chance in life. Nothing is bad and nothing is good, it just depends on what you are looking for. Different people desires different things in their life. Therefore, learning to accept their own views with all my heart and mind is my big lesson to master in this stage of my life. Now I am going to travel in a new life journey with more freedom.

Don’t be scared to think again your tough time, don’t be scared to talk about your mistakes. Because tough time gives your more strength and each mistake is your best teacher.

Have a nice day John.

The right persons will stay

Dear John,

There are some problems in our relationship in these days. M was not happy with what I said to him before. M talked to me in a way of low energy and no confidence. I am also unhappy with it, but “Bitter pills may have blessed effects”. I believe the right person, who accepts who I am, will stay there for me. I know I am not good at interpersonal skills, and trying to learn it every day so that my criticised communication style won’t hurt them. Anyway, always be careful with my words. Think carefully before speaking them out.

M is trying his best, I know. Remember to praise him whatever he does. Think carefully and positively.

Enjoy your day John.

Free writing

Dear John,

I don’t know what exactly I write in this morning. I just write down whatever in my mind at this moment, and it looks like running exercise. After the Lunar New Year 2016, I committed myself to write this blog in 6 mornings per week. As a result, it becomes an efficient warm-up writing exercise to me. Trying to express myself on this blog for one hour help me write my thesis smoothly. Ah hah, that’s the thing. It is also called a writing therapy to cure writing block for Ph.D. student.  I got this idea from books and blogs for Ph.D. students.

Yesterday, I didn’t want to study and did crochet again. I crocheted a new phone case and finished it within few hours. I am happy when trying something new and completing it at the end of the day. Although I am a little bit worried about what my supervisor is going to say in the next meeting

– 3 years is too short to finish Ph.D

– Students have to know where to stop, can’t solve a big problem in a short time

It is true. On one hand,  I am afraid that my study is not big enough to PhD level. On the other hand, it is too big to finish in three years.

So what can I do now? Hope this week I will find my answer.