Gut feeling and intuition

Dear John,

Day by day. I am more connected to my inner strength. I no longer ignore my gut feeling and intuition. I can’t explain it, but it works for  me up to now. Whenever I don’t listen to my inner voice, something wrong will happen.

Now, two things I should focus daily: Being and Awareness.



Be bold, be blessed

Dear John,

This post today is about three women working in a building where I am studying. Two of them are cleaners and one is my colleague. Each person has been teaching me some value lessons. Honestly, I didn’t have good impression towards them. But after several months knowing together, I found many things I should learn from them.

  1. A bold lipstick cleaner. I call her by that name because she usually wears bold makeup with black eyeliner and red lipstick. The first time  I saw her cleaning a toilet in the ground floor, I thought “Does it worth to make up your face like that as you are  a cleaner? Now I know I am so rude to judge her like that. Whatever you do, you have a right to make yourself beautiful as a woman. No one loves you and understands you more clearly than you. So just be bold like you are.
  2. A quite cleaner. She is Indian. She works in quite and seldom talks like the bold lipstick cleaner. I can feel the calm in her face and smile. She is in charge of cleaning the second and third floor and my study room is in a second floor. She is always willing to clean up that room whenever I ask her. Yesterday, I saw her sitting quietly on the staircases while I was going to the restroom. I felt strange and asked in my mind whether something bad had happened to her or maybe she was so tired after cleaning and just sat down for a rest. I was about to ask her whether she was ok, but I thought she couldn’t speak English, I  just passed by and gave a greeting smile. When I came back from the restroom with another way so I could see her from the back , she still sat there with her thumbs on her middle fingers. Now I know she was meditating or maybe praying as Indian tradition. Now I understand why her face is so calm most of the time. There is always a reason behind people’s behaviour. So don’t judge or criticise anyone if you don’t know much about them
  3. My cold colleague. I only say one thing. Work quietly and let you results speak for you.

Have a nice day John.


Dear John,

Sometimes all unwanted things come to you in one day. Of course, you will be blue and can’t concentrate totally on your work which is near to the deadline. You got stress and at a result you can’t sleep well, you work with your headache, get angry with yourself on the next day. Finally, you look up the sky and sky “Why these happened to me? “But no one can answer you.

I got trouble because of my carelessness and it leads to later problems.It is my fault, but as an ordinary person,  I will blame to others’.The truth is no one can fix these except me. So that I come to the idea that when one bad thing happens to me, I should keep calm and try to fix.Being panic and worries can’t solve anything, just cause some other problems.

That’s the way it is. I am on my way of learning

What I have learned from the drama “Jang Yongsil”

Dear John,

I have followed this historical drama for one month, it ended yesterday. I cried a lot when watching the last episode because I learned that the truth is always painful and not a winner in all cases.

Jang Yongsil is a great scientist, coming from a lower class in Jeoson dynasty. He invented astronomy devices and clocks to help the King Sejong and people. But government officers were jealous with his talent and the King’s interest to him. They tried to kill him whenever they got chances. From this drama, I realized no matter how talented you are, how much contribution you do to others, there are always some people who really don’t like your existence in their life. Because your light makes them living in your shadow where their pride is hurt.

However, when you have an eternal love with science, nothing can let you down even a dirty politic. Jang Yongsil were beaten a lot during his whole life, he still lived strong with his dream. I love the way he dealed with those who hated or betrayed him. His understanding and empathy moved me a lot, he thought life is a flow of water, everything  runs nonstop. His attidute of non-attachment helped him overcome all his life burdens. I cried when I realized this fantastic ideas, because I have been searching the answer for my question for years: “Why is what I receive unequal to what I have tried?  Now, I have my answer. That is my life, whatever it will be, just keep going. Don’t blame to yourself and anyone. The water still runs everyday.

Here are some lessons I want to remind myself everyday:

  1. Whatever they blame you and don’t appreciate your contribution, just work and concentrate on your dream. It’s yours, not theirs.
  2. The real friends and right person will stay with you.
  3. Love people no matter what they are unkind to you.
  4. Family is always your home, take good care of your parents.

Something for me:

  1. Marriage is not the only thing in your life
  2. You are good at research, not management
  3. Read and listen more, talk less.

Enjoy your day John.


Keep calm

Dear John,

In last two posts, I have written about relax in my study and daily life. Today, I want to write about it again, because I see the repeated words “mediation,” relax,” keep calm” in most of my daily reading on the social network. I realize people need it a lot in this rapid modern society. But somehow it is too difficult to practice as a habit. In my mind, I want it to be my habit and transform my life in a new way.

This post was inspired by a facebooker’s status about the way to deal with her children. When a mother knows how to calm down herself, her children will behave in a right way. It is similar to the story I read in Oslo’s book which is about the kids persisted their mother to go to meditation class because she is nicer and gentle after that.From these stories, I think that how you think and feel about your life mostly depends on how much you calm down. And the best to learn how to relax is mediation.

Day by day, I appreciate a value of meditation to my life and others’. Keep practicing and enjoy my life.


My deadline

Dear John,

I love making plan and organize everything in a good order. But after a while, everything is messed up. Similarity, I always plan for my work and study,  at the end I just finish my work right after the deadline, or I miss my due day. Sometimes I ask myself “Even though I make plan, everything is still out of control?”

I should check my plan reality or plan commitment. I do agree that I used to be  too optimistic about my effort and it results in self-disappointment. Maybe, I do not totally focus on my work, and I get bored easily. So what are solutions for my situation?

Mediate? Relax? What is the point for these? Why do I meditate and relax?

My body is tired when I work too hard and this  effects to my work when it is almost done. That means you are too exhausted near the deadline to produce a good output. Or I have to change my mind into not be perfectionism. Just accept what you have done and tried.

Let’s try both and remember to support me, John.


Just ask, an answer is there

Dear Alaza,

Sometimes, I am afraid of asking because I will show my imperfect knowledge to others, or maybe I am not sure about what I know and do not know. But the former is the main reason keeping me out of making an inquiry. The modern life changes almost every day, it seems that the new things just come up after one night. So how would I know about it? ASKING.

I usually use search engines to find out the answers to my questions in daily and professional life. I love discovering by myself first before asking someone. I prefer controlling everything by myself rather than to depending on others. The fact is that I do need help since there are so many things being out of my hands . Therefore, I have been practicing to open up more because of my poor skills to deal with others. This is the most important task I need to practice and improve day by day.

I think that people find it difficult to communicate with me since I have high expectations for myself. Most of my pressure mostly come from myself, not from others. At a result, people show me my mirror of myself, I feel shocked. I blamed that they did not understand me it is my faults, not others’.

So please Alaza, just relax and smile. Stop playing hard to yourself.

Everything will come to you at the right moment. Be patient and relax



Review of Feb 2016

The first two weeks of Feb, I celebrated  Lunar New Year with my family. Everything was not happy as I expected, but every family always experiences the sadness and the happiness. I am a human, I feel bad when my relatives get hurt and do not get along. But it will be ok later. Just keep calm and let it be.

The last two weeks of Feb, I already sent my first paper to another journal. It is not a Scopus or ISI journals, but I hope it can publish my paper which is not good enough. I will try and learn more, maybe at the end of my PhD journey I can publish one paper in ISI journal. Besides that, now I can enjoy fresh fruits in my fridge. It is a small thing  named topping up gas, but I got one year to learn that lessson. It seems like everything will happen in the right time. So be patient and relax.

Today is the first day of March, I will be here 18 months for next three months. That means I will try to finish my proposal within three months. I am not sure about that, just try and try. My March missions:

  1. Finish the first draft of my proposal at the end of May, get ready to defense proposal at the end of June.
  2. Submit the review paper.
  3. First two weeks of March: Chapter 1
  4. At the end of April: Chapter 2
  5. At the end of May: Chapter 3
  6. Keeping practing yoga, cycling, swimming every week

I can do it, try your best.


My sleep

Dear John,

Last night, I slept with a weird dream. That kind of dream came to me several times. When I dreamt that means I got a bad sleep. I have tried many ways to have a good sleep. But somehow, this happens to me frequently. Maybe, I could not relax before I went to sleep last night. I was still on the internet late, could not stop my online surfing leisure immediately.

When I was at home, usually I ceased to reading online one hour to talking with my Mr.D until I fall to sleep. But here, it costs much to talk on the phone the a long duration. Furthermore, he dosesn’t have a smartphone to talk online.So that is the problem.

From tomorrow, I have to stop using my phone one hour before going to bed. Reading book is the replacement. Let’s see how it will be


The first time I knew about meditation when I was in university. One of my psychology lectures talked about it in a negative way, because it was dangerous especially for women. The belly breath can harm women’s pregnancy ability. At that time, I didn’t read enough to prove his wrong argument.

I was interested in yoga during my Master Degree. Due to the study and working stresses, my mind got tired and needed rest. I was suggested to take part in a yoga class, and it did save my life. Gradually, yoga has become an important part of my life that seems I can’t live without it. I have practiced, read, and watched a lot about yoga. Day by day my love for you has grown up to the commitment that I would like to be a yoga teacher. However, I just practiced asana mostly and didn’t concentrate on meditation. Even though it is a vital element in practicing yoga which I was learned several times, I read and also have tried to practice, it might be that I am not mature enough to make theories into practice.

Experiencing one year of my Ph.D. journey has opened my eyes about meditation. The harder job is, the more relaxing mind should be. Of course, meditation is the best therapy in this case. I realize that when I can relax to study well, I also change my mind on other daily problems which used to make me crazy easily before.

Meditation is not the new thing in this modern life; many documents have written about it to have a balanced, stressless life. However, practicing is always more difficult than talking. The last thing I can say ” Just do it”.

My commitment: Meditate at least five minutes a day